Love and Social Media : A lesson learnt

A picture paints a thousand words, but who are we to decide what those words are ?

I am no relationship guru but I believe that I can offer my two pence nonetheless. I think we can all agree that these past two weeks have been a period in online relationship hell, to say the very least. Two of the most desired relationships in social media seem to have gone up in flames, or to be on the rocks; and I think most of us can agree that we certainly did not see it coming.

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From The YouTube videos, to the the glamorous Instagram pictures with many screaming “Relationship Goals“, “When will I find a man like this?“, “Where are these girls in the UK?” and more. Many adopted these apparent ideals as their own. The question is though, why do we analyse relationships that are not our own and then cry or complain when we don’t receive the very thing same thing?  The answer is as simple as this – all that glitters is not gold. What we do not see are the bloopers, the moments after the camera has stopped rolling and the seconds after that picture was taken. You cannot base your ideals on a minute truth.

Watching these relationships destruction pan out online before my very own eyes with millions offering up their opinions and criticism, has reminded me of many things. One of which is that a relationship was made for two; not you, your partner and a multitude of spectators. It is a lesson to be learnt to myself and many, that whilst you should not be ashamed in showing off your partner with pride and whatever else, it is absolutely essential to be careful in what you share. There is beauty in the unknown and some things really are meant to be just that .. unknown.

 Set your own relationship goals based on your personal core beliefs, what you want and what you like; instead of what other couples simply appear to have. The bitter sweet truth is that relationships take all kinds of work. Wanting a finished product will have you forever searching or constantly heartbroken and disappointed. An example that comes to mind is YouTube couple Patricia Bright and Mike. When they first became a couple, (Looking at their throwbacks) their fashion sense as a unit was quite outlandish – but years into marriage that very aspect has changed for the better, drastically. This is not an idolisation but an observation and physical proof that sometimes we meet a version of the person that is right for us, but just like a flower you have to give it love, patience, nutrients and time for it to grow. You have to take care of it and be patient with it or it dies. You cannot look in a field that is not your own and admire or pine after beauty that does not belong to you; for you do not know the journey in which it took to get to the point of growth.  So please do not succumb to a microwave generation of wanting a finished product in seconds just because it appears to be that way on social media.

 Remember that charming young man/lady with a dream, goals and ambitions, hustling in that 8 till late retail job could be the CEO of a multibillion company in 5-10 years, after all Rome was not built in a day right? No relationship is perfect, it takes a daily decision to choose to work on it, to get through the hardest of times and to fight for the love that you and your partner share. The battle that your favourite YouTube/Instagram couple or even your friends go through, is not and will never be identical to yours. Wait for your own “fairytale”, it will come.

And lastly, I hate the concept of “falling in love” because I strongly believe that Love is a choice. You do not fall in love … you walk in it.  In contrast to popular opinion, LOVE IS A DAILY DECISION. You choose to love a person day after day, you choose to accept certain flaws and you choose whether to leave or to stay.  Just as Chidera aka “The Slumflower” said “I don’t want someone to fall in love with me, that is an accident. I want, someone to walk into love with me, to choose me, to make the decision to walk into my life, put their suitcase down and unpack.” 

So the next time you decide to idolise a relationship that isn’t your own; remember that yes a picture paints a thousand words, but who are you to decide on the narrative?

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